Coming Clean

Oh hey there, blog. I am sorry it has been so long. I have a million excuses for why I have not posted. Partly because I am ashamed at my wavering progress, and partly due to legitimate goings on in my life, I suppose. Needless to say, I made a decision (partly due to a desire to live cleaner and partly because I lost my health insurance) to stop taking my adderall. It was an exceptionally difficult choice, to give up the wonder drug that made my life instantly easier. I am severely ADHD. I barely escaped high-school with passing grades, not for lack of intelligence, of course. It takes all the strength to not reach into the back of my medicine cabinet and grab that bottle of instant focus. In terms of my fitness, let's call this a hicup. In the long term I will be healthier without it. The first week was a nightmare. It is like hitting a wall. Constant exhaustion, lack of energy, and magnified appetite. I put on about 5lbs in 2 weeks. I lost my momentum with my workouts. It was to the point where if I ran a mile or lifted for 40 minutes, I would pass out for hours. I could not get out of bed. I have been drinking diet soda for the first time in ages because without the caffeine, I cannot make it through the work day. I have developed some coping mechanisms, I started taking Hoodia supplements for appetite and that definitely helped the first few weeks. I am back in my normal calorie range, and I am slowly inching back to my workout routine. Soon I will have to start cutting back on the caffeine. So much sodium also! Crazy bloating like I have not experienced in a long long long time. Alas, I shall be better for this! The good news is, I'm starting to feel so very alive, so very like the me I always was before. This comes with its share of dark spots, and I've annoyed Tom more times than I can count since quitting, but he assures me he still likes me when I am silly. I have more news, but I am writing on my phone, at work. Attention span....?sod