Right now, I am at a "normal" weight. Some people say I am skinny, and I laugh because I don't relate to that word. I am not a thin girl. I am not tiny. Growing up, I was small, scrawny at times, but never one of those long-limbed gangley types. I was very active, always outside, always high energy. I played sports and I did taekwondo for most of my life. I was recently digging through a large box of photos my mother had given me. I was a cute kid. I was kind of awkward, a tomboy even, but always bright eyes and big attitude. It was interesting to go through these, to watch my progression from child to teen and so forth. Through these pictures, I could see my lifestyle changes, from being extremely athletic until age 15/16 and then my slow taper into angst and depression, and of course weight gain. There was a period in high-school where I sort of stopped caring about taekwondo and only went once a week. It may have been because my self esteem was low after breaking up with a guy on our competition team, or just being a grouchy teenager, or the fact that I fought with my parents constantly? I can't remember, but the important part is that I had quit the team and lost interest in going to class. I was unhappy, unhealthy, and eating my feelings. I guess I peaked around 170 some pounds? I don't know. I stopped using the scale at that point. At 5'6", I was a size 14, and I was depressed.
I struggled to lose weight for ages, in all the wrong ways. I am not proud of things I did, but I am through it. I was bouncing around in the world of eating disorders, from anorexia to binging to purging to over exercising, abusing weight loss pills etc. I did HORRIBLE things to my body. There were periods where I was eating 500 calories a day, and then going to the gym for three hours, to the point where when I got home I would have tunnel vision and severe cramps. There were times when I would eat all day, constantly, and then force myself to purge and sleep and sleep and sleep. It was awful. I look back and I cannot believe how unhappy and unhealthy I was. I still suffer permanent damage from these decisions, and I will never be the same because of it.
Looking back, and knowing what I know about Celiacs now, a lot of it makes sense. My intestines were damaged, causing nutrient deficiencies. I ate and ate and ate because somewhere in there my body was telling me I needed something more. I had terrible grades from ADHD which is argued to be a side effect of gluten allergies, which would have saved me a lot of trouble in my relationship with my parents if you catch my drift. My hormones were completely out of sync, which is yet another celiacs side effect, and when you compound that with the hormonal mess that are the adolescent years, you get an entirely different obstacle course. I had no idea that anything was wrong with my intestines. I had spent my whole life suffering and didn't know any better. I am happier now. I miss good pasta and real pizza, but I wouldn't trade those for the way it feels to wake up in the morning and not feel like I'm coming out of a coma. I wouldn't trade the fact that for the first time in my life, in spite of how many situps I could do in a minute as a teen, For the first time in my life I have a flat stomach. I lived the first 24yrs of my life BLOATED. When you add in the fact that I'm finally working out properly also, I am on the brink of being in the best health of my life.
So I'm going to show you some pictures today, just so you know what I mean.
This photo is from my senior year of high school, I can't say if it was at my top weight or not, but you get the idea.
This is me today, I do not know my current weight or body fat percentage, nor have I been consistent in my workouts, but yea, you see? Big differences.
I struggled to lose weight for ages, in all the wrong ways. I am not proud of things I did, but I am through it. I was bouncing around in the world of eating disorders, from anorexia to binging to purging to over exercising, abusing weight loss pills etc. I did HORRIBLE things to my body. There were periods where I was eating 500 calories a day, and then going to the gym for three hours, to the point where when I got home I would have tunnel vision and severe cramps. There were times when I would eat all day, constantly, and then force myself to purge and sleep and sleep and sleep. It was awful. I look back and I cannot believe how unhappy and unhealthy I was. I still suffer permanent damage from these decisions, and I will never be the same because of it.
Looking back, and knowing what I know about Celiacs now, a lot of it makes sense. My intestines were damaged, causing nutrient deficiencies. I ate and ate and ate because somewhere in there my body was telling me I needed something more. I had terrible grades from ADHD which is argued to be a side effect of gluten allergies, which would have saved me a lot of trouble in my relationship with my parents if you catch my drift. My hormones were completely out of sync, which is yet another celiacs side effect, and when you compound that with the hormonal mess that are the adolescent years, you get an entirely different obstacle course. I had no idea that anything was wrong with my intestines. I had spent my whole life suffering and didn't know any better. I am happier now. I miss good pasta and real pizza, but I wouldn't trade those for the way it feels to wake up in the morning and not feel like I'm coming out of a coma. I wouldn't trade the fact that for the first time in my life, in spite of how many situps I could do in a minute as a teen, For the first time in my life I have a flat stomach. I lived the first 24yrs of my life BLOATED. When you add in the fact that I'm finally working out properly also, I am on the brink of being in the best health of my life.
So I'm going to show you some pictures today, just so you know what I mean.
This is me today, I do not know my current weight or body fat percentage, nor have I been consistent in my workouts, but yea, you see? Big differences.
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